Insidious

Last night's view of Insidious began with Martinis at Bar Louie. I arrived promptly at ten after six - ten minutes late, but when I got there for happy hour the place didn't look so happy. Sunlight bounced off the dark wooden surfaces, and Josh was nowhere to be found. I took a seat at the bar and was tricked in to a half off martini from the bartender. I ordered a caffeinator, which is something similar to Starbuck's coffee if the coffee had liquor and was served in a saucer. I texted Josh letting him know I had arrived. For the first time, I was on time, yet still late.

As I began to indulge in my coffee martini, my phone sounded with Sex Raptor by HORSE the band; Josh was calling. After answering I knew he had forgotten completely about going out. It's a weekly tradition to get martinis and movies during the week, and when martinis are only five dollars from five to seven, you might as well go. He hung up quickly to make up for lost time but it didn't matter, the traffic would be horrendous. Sip your martini slowly, I told myself, but before I knew it I was sipping the caramel whip cream out of the bottom of the glass. I rested it on the table and did anything I could to wait patiently for Josh.

Suddenly, two dollars landed in front of me and another bartender said, "I owe you for pizza". I hadn't noticed him right away but suddenly....ANDY. One evening he needed money for pizza and, at the time I had nothing, so I hesitantly gave him two dollars. This sparked our friendship nonetheless and although I hadn't seen him in two months, he offered to make me a drink and still give me the two dollars. I agreed, as anyone would, kept the money for the bartenders tip and still waited patiently, and not just for my drink. Then it was placed in front of me. It was a concoction of something yellow, salt and wine all in one. I slowly drank it. It was awful but free, and since it was free...it was delicious.

Half a glass later I felt like a marble in the labyrinth board game. Looking up at the entrance I saw Josh stroll in casually with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles hoodie and shorts. He was practically an hour late but made up for it by slamming his hand on the bar and yelling, "A cable car and two shots of Jack". The martini and shots materialized in front of him. He worked on the drink, toasted the shot, gave me the other, and we gulped it down. Jack goes down rough for a whiskey. After some conversation and a cigarette we decided to have another martini and two more shots of Jack, only this time Josh specifically asked for Honey Jack, which thankfully they just stocked that day. I was prepared for a harsh sensation but this went down smooth...like honey. It was delicious.

Josh turned to me with urgency, "what time is our movie?", he asked. We didn't even know what movie we were going to! After looking up times on Fandango, I chose the closest movie on our schedule. We took two more shots of Honey Jack, which went down smoother the second time, and tiptoed out the door. The tigers were loose and the tigers were seeing Insidious

The topic of conversation outside the theater was wanting Christopher Nolan to blow up Melon Arena, when suddenly I looked at the time. We were late by ten minutes. He stopped me from going in to the AMC as he looked for an ash tray for his cigarette. I flicked mine in the road. If you're gonna smoke who cares if you liter? He said he needed another smoke, so we sat outside while he had another. The movie hour was closing, the previews were almost over and there was no time to bullshit.

The line to the box office is always annoying. Either people will be standing waiting for the movie in a long line similar to the bank or nobody will be in it at all. Either way, you have to walk around the line like a mouse in a maze. I chose to duck under the elastic band. Josh chose to slap the band from the connecting pole and just walk through. A few patrons laughed at us. We were the show tonight. Just get to the ticket booth and order ONE FOR INSIDIOUS. I found I did that with great ease. So did Josh. That wasn't the problem but containing our bladders was.

Moments later I found myself peeing in a urinal meant for a ten year old as I heard splashing of piss on the floor. "Oops", I heard from two meters over. He had missed the bowl entirely. We were twenty minutes late as we left the bathroom and the doors were shut to the theater. Entering the darkness, Josh shouted, "I hope we didn't miss the beginning", in crescendo. We had. Stumbling to find our seat in the stadium rising theater we could tell this movie was serious, and we were the wrong people to be taken seriously. The last thing these audience members need is a drunk duo finding their seats in the dark and on top of that a giggle fest, and we were chock full of that.

It got embarrassing. Within twenty five minutes we moved seats twice and were yelled at for talking. We also laughed for fifteen minutes straight, and after leaving we somehow found ourselves back to Bar Louie. Our bartender was disappointed, but Josh ordered more shots. Two more Honey Jack followed by two more Honey Jack. The night ended with me taking one more Honey Jack than Josh. He had knocked my shot over in drunken stupidness and gave me his because he couldn't handle drinking it. We talked for a while and parted ways.

Insidious was good. At least what we saw.

Seriously, I did see this movie though. I went back two days later with my girlfriend to learn a different lesson than don't drink before your movie; don't buy child tickets cause you'll get caught by Rowanda. In short, Insidious was not a bad movie. It had scary scenes and great jump factor, along with haunting usage of "Tip Toe through the Tulips", by Tiny Tim. There are a few issues that rest with the film and again it is in the writing. The most cliche trick in the book is used in the middle of the movie when the father is told that what is happening to his son happened to him when he was a boy and he doesn't remember it. I would have been satisfied if this man remembered this happened to him and decided to astro project himself in the world of the further and save his son but instead he doesn't remember that it happened, that he can astro-project and then DOES it at the end. That and some of the acting was just poorly done, for instance; put Barbara Hershey in a movie and suddenly you know trouble is around. She's type casted and will never play Mary Magdalene again. Other than those two things, I think the movie is pretty solid. It is definitely scary, definitely creepy and definitely another movie to add to James Wan's list of well done horror films, but James, you have these moments that knock your movies from A to B- and it is killing me, man. Quit doing it.

Grade: B-